All for Love Coaching

 Welcome to this 4-part (minimum) series where I delve into the definitions and practical applications of my values list!  My four top values in no particular order are: justice, peace, empathy, and people. How did I come to those four words in particular? I worked with my own coach! How do I feel about those words? Complicated as all hell!  One thing I've learned is that words don't actually have the meaning assigned by the dictionary - they have the weight of all of our lived experiences behind them. You probably won't define these words as values the same way I will, and that's fine! More than that, that's wonderful! We might share words, but not definitions, or have the exact same values but call them wildly different things. Isn't the human experience beautifully varied? Let's jump in to my first, probably most controversial (to me) word: justice. Ah, the judicial system! Judging people's actions! An eye for an eye! Absolutely not. My definition of ...

 This is probably the question that all newbies to the kink scene wonder about. What should go in there?  The answer is probably both more and less complicated than you think.  "Of course, a good toy bag needs two floggers, a cane, a paddle, a set of clamps...." Nope! I'm not here to tell you what your kinks should be. If you could happily go about your life without a single impact scene, why should you have impact toys in there? A good toy bag (or trunk, or backpack, or whatever you use) should be, in my mind, not just a snapshot of your kinks, but an overall picture of your good kink practices. I personally abide by the standards of Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), but this applies to you whether you practice SSC, PRICK, or any of the other acronyms they've come out with since the writing of this post.  It's important to note - both tops and bottoms should carry something with their basic necessities in it. Bottoms are allowed to have a favorite paddle, and to...

Ah, the age old question. How do I get total strangers invested in me as a person through a dick pic and some nominal information about my fetishes? Well... you don't. It's totally possible to meet people through Fetlife. I've had friendships and even business partnerships happen solely through the messages function. It's just unlikely. And the kind of people who bulk-message random accounts are probably not the kind of people you want to form a lasting relationship with. If you are that kind of person? Please stop.  The point I'm trying to make here is that in order to seduce people with your profile alone, you need a few basic pieces of information about yourself. You need a profile picture. In essence, you need to give the impression that there's actually a real person behind the screen. If you want to go a step further and become a Fet-lebrity... well, we'll get to that. What are the basic parts of a profile? Profile picture! This is probably the first b...

Woof. What a title. Despite what I do for a living, my mother has no idea about my kink life. Okay so, I say that, but there have been.... hints. She stared me down after seeing the bruise on my upper chest, but after the fourth or fifth time just told me in an aggrieved voice "Tell your boys to go lower!" "My boys" thought this was a hilarious command, and proceeded to thoroughly ignore it. But getting involved in the kink world professionally, I have the deep and abiding concern that she will find out through a method other than me telling her. Such as, for example, Googling my name and stumbling across my website. With a tab saying "kink." I've known people to come out to their parents to wonderful results. One dear friend had her mother express disappointment, not that she was in kink, but that she wasn't a dominatrix.  On the flip side, I've had friends get disowned after coming out as queer to their parents. It is 2023, people. I thought ...

(cross-posted on BoundBDSM)  The title is vaguely misleading, honestly.  Ego can be defined as self esteem or self-importance, and I definitely don't want you to discard those for whoever you're playing with! When I get questions about "ego," it's usually in phrases like "the male ego." In these contexts, I think ego is something different. I think ego is a Saboteur. In coaching, those negative voices in our head are called Saboteurs, or gremlins, or whatever you want to call them. The ego I'm talking about is the voice that says "should" or "shouldn't." Ego might sound like... You shouldn't want this - you're a stronger person than that! You shouldn't let them do that - how embarrassing would that be! You should be above all this and not guided by your desires. You should want to be kind, not cruel, to someone you like. You shouldn't, should, shouldn't... Good golly gosh, what an exhausting way to live. Be...

 (this blog is cross-posted over on BoundBDSM.net) Hello world! It's good to be back. I've spent the last few weeks in talks (and texts, and Discord messages) with BoundBDSM, and finally can reveal to you all our new partnership! My coaching services are available through their website HERE . Cue me squealing and bouncing and generally being a nuisance. "But Anneke!" you shout, "Who even are you? Why should we care?" Excellent question! Let's start with the basics. What are my qualifications? I am... a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), working on becoming a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), a BA in linguistics and education, an MS in behavior analysis, and... really goddamn weird. "Okay, fair enough," you might follow up with, "but what are you doing here ?" I'm coaching! Specifically, I'm doing relationship coaching with a focus on LGBTQ+, polyamorous, and/or kinky individuals! "Huh?" Life coachi...

 I've made a few. My last blog post was even about one! You can read that here.   But Anneke! You've been doing this for years! How come you're still messing up? Well, dear reader, I don't actually count my mistakes as mess-ups. I count them as opportunities to learn about myself. What I learned from my first business account troll was- I'm a little naïve still. Which isn't a bad thing! I love being myself, and I love assuming the best of people. I'm willing to accept a few message threads that drag on if I can keep being me. Feeding the troll without blocking him was the real Mistake #1. However, I've been putting myself out there more and getting more messages. And due to Mistake #2, I'm seeing a theme. Mistake #2 was joining a newbies group. I thought it might be a good place to advertise, or at least drum up interest, so I posted on the introductions thread. R. I. P. My. Inbox. There's a certain class of people who trawl introduction threads ...