All for Love Coaching

I think a lot about boundaries. In work, naturally, but also in my personal life. What are my boundaries? How can I ensure that I respect the boundaries of others? "No" is a beautiful  word when it comes to boundaries. Especially when I hear it from another party. It's very hard to say. I am preparing two whole classes on "no," one on how to say it effectively and one on how to hear it appropriately. These are both independent skills to be taught, and very rarely do we get explicit instruction on them.  I'm not perfect at saying it yet. But I'm trying really hard. And one of those ways is examining how I feel when I am given a "no." And often? That's grateful. I'm being handed an opportunity to practice respecting boundaries! And better yet, I didn't need to guess and tiptoe and figure it out on my own, the other person told  me. "May I give you a hug?" "No, not today." "Cool! Waving it is then." It...

I have an assignment for you, reader.  Go watch this video: RIGHT NOW It's a TED talk about the metaphors we use to discuss sexuality, namely baseball, and proposing a new paradigm of pizza. Instead of the competitive win-lose nature of baseball, thinking about sex in terms of pizza provides a more collaborative, satisfying, and ultimately healthy view of relating to sexual partners. Seriously, go watch it. It's wonderful. I saw it last night during a presentation by Pittsburgh Action Against Rape (PAAR) as part of an educational series hosted by the local community. We even did an exercise wherein we all collaborated to build a pizza and then discussed the experience. It made me realize something important. I kind of hate the word "compromise." "But Anneke!" you might say, "You're a relationship coach! Aren't relationships built on compromise?" Some, maybe. But I would argue not the good ones. Compromising holds a connotation of settling. ...