All for Love Coaching

(cross-posted on BoundBDSM)  The title is vaguely misleading, honestly.  Ego can be defined as self esteem or self-importance, and I definitely don't want you to discard those for whoever you're playing with! When I get questions about "ego," it's usually in phrases like "the male ego." In these contexts, I think ego is something different. I think ego is a Saboteur. In coaching, those negative voices in our head are called Saboteurs, or gremlins, or whatever you want to call them. The ego I'm talking about is the voice that says "should" or "shouldn't." Ego might sound like... You shouldn't want this - you're a stronger person than that! You shouldn't let them do that - how embarrassing would that be! You should be above all this and not guided by your desires. You should want to be kind, not cruel, to someone you like. You shouldn't, should, shouldn't... Good golly gosh, what an exhausting way to live. Be...

 (this blog is cross-posted over on BoundBDSM.net) Hello world! It's good to be back. I've spent the last few weeks in talks (and texts, and Discord messages) with BoundBDSM, and finally can reveal to you all our new partnership! My coaching services are available through their website HERE . Cue me squealing and bouncing and generally being a nuisance. "But Anneke!" you shout, "Who even are you? Why should we care?" Excellent question! Let's start with the basics. What are my qualifications? I am... a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), working on becoming a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), a BA in linguistics and education, an MS in behavior analysis, and... really goddamn weird. "Okay, fair enough," you might follow up with, "but what are you doing here ?" I'm coaching! Specifically, I'm doing relationship coaching with a focus on LGBTQ+, polyamorous, and/or kinky individuals! "Huh?" Life coachi...

 I've made a few. My last blog post was even about one! You can read that here.   But Anneke! You've been doing this for years! How come you're still messing up? Well, dear reader, I don't actually count my mistakes as mess-ups. I count them as opportunities to learn about myself. What I learned from my first business account troll was- I'm a little naïve still. Which isn't a bad thing! I love being myself, and I love assuming the best of people. I'm willing to accept a few message threads that drag on if I can keep being me. Feeding the troll without blocking him was the real Mistake #1. However, I've been putting myself out there more and getting more messages. And due to Mistake #2, I'm seeing a theme. Mistake #2 was joining a newbies group. I thought it might be a good place to advertise, or at least drum up interest, so I posted on the introductions thread. R. I. P. My. Inbox. There's a certain class of people who trawl introduction threads ...

 I got my first troll last night during D&D. Ironically. As our characters were trekking through the mountains of Barovia, I got a ping on my phone. It was a DM about the ad I had just posted in the local classifieds group. I was delighted - I had already gotten three interested messages and it seemed my new profile was going to be a hit. I opened the message and was slightly dismayed - this fellow was soliciting sex as well as profile setup services!  I am not a sex worker, although I understand the confusion.  As our characters began to roll initiative against 6 skeletons, I politely answered him and told him that I do not perform sexual acts, and that if he wanted profile help I could do that via the phone or Zoom.  His next response absolutely baffled me. He claimed that no, he was not confused. He did not think I was a sex worker. Out of sheer curiosity, I expressed my own confusion. Was he asking for both services for free? What on earth was going on? The n...

 I know I promised education rather than self-reflection, but I think that a quick story time can serve both goals quite handily. My first munch... was not technically my first munch. Oh god, I've now lied twice in as many blog posts. This is not a good start. Technically for my first munch, I was still in college, and a friend dragged me along because she was scared and knew I was also interested in the community. It was in a food court, I had a great time and even went out to a restaurant with a bunch of people after the mall closed down. All in all, a great success, even if I never went to another munch in that city again. My second munch was with my then-partner, during which we wandered around until someone deigned to talk to us. One particular guy was very obviously interested in me, so my ex made up an excuse that there was a server down that he had to attend to and we left. It is important to note that we were fully monogamous - had I been poly at that point I would have ha...

 Moderation is not my strong suit. As a matter of fact, I don't know where my moderation suit is at the moment. I may have left it at the dry cleaners.  I write this blog post during work hours, having stayed up until midnight brainstorming names and website layouts for coaching businesses. I spent an hour on the phone with a former coach earlier discussing marketing and genuine engagement, how to avoid sleaze, and the best and worst parts of working on the phone vs. working in person. I haven't even taken my first class yet. What is the root of this enthusiasm? What is the driving force behind my motivation to suddenly switch up everything about my life and career? It's twofold. The carrot and the stick. Firstly, the carrot. I love polyamory and I love kink.  Talking about these topics is met with rabid curiosity from people who are not involved with either. Relationship paradigms outside the mainstream are much more common than we believe, but when we don't talk about...