On Being Mistaken for a Sex Worker

 I got my first troll last night during D&D. Ironically.

As our characters were trekking through the mountains of Barovia, I got a ping on my phone. It was a DM about the ad I had just posted in the local classifieds group. I was delighted - I had already gotten three interested messages and it seemed my new profile was going to be a hit.

I opened the message and was slightly dismayed - this fellow was soliciting sex as well as profile setup services! 

I am not a sex worker, although I understand the confusion. 

As our characters began to roll initiative against 6 skeletons, I politely answered him and told him that I do not perform sexual acts, and that if he wanted profile help I could do that via the phone or Zoom. 

His next response absolutely baffled me. He claimed that no, he was not confused. He did not think I was a sex worker.

Out of sheer curiosity, I expressed my own confusion. Was he asking for both services for free? What on earth was going on?

The next message was bewildering and enlightening in equal parts. He wanted to pay me for profile setup services, but for me to just additionally perform sex on the side.

So either this fellow was trying to skirt the rules for soliciting paid sex on the platform (more likely) or he was actively trying to "logic" me into sleeping with him (less likely but more hilarious). 

Amidst heated skeletal combat, the D&D party absolutely could not stop laughing at my expression. I kept passing the phone around thinking someone would have a better explanation than the two I had come up with, but between dice rolls and giggles nobody could offer me a more reasonable guess.

After a few more exchanges (me defining sex work, him rejecting my definition) I got a little fed up. I told him that he could pay me for remote profile setup or he could stop wasting my time.

Now, in the light of day, I understand that I should have simply blocked him from the get-go, but I have this unfortunate compulsion to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. 

His response was immediate and vitriolic. He told me I was a weirdo (??? but again, hysterical) and that he would be reporting me because self-promotion was against the platform's TOS.

(side note: it's absolutely not)

After a brief moment of panic (and taking my turn to cast a Mass Cure Wounds on the bleeding party), I calmed down. Plenty of people advertised various services on this platform, and even if he reported me, whatever spurious claims would be obviously unfounded. 

I blocked him, took a few deep breaths, and continued with the game.

Now, in the light of day, I still find his hypocritical insistences amusing, but I know that after a few more trolls my patience will wear thin.

Some people might assume that I label him a troll because he attempted to solicit sex. This is not the case. I label him a troll because upon me correcting his misconception, he tried to double down TWICE and report me for rejecting him.

Sex work is work. Sex workers deserve a safe environment where they can get paid for their labor, just like anyone else. 

If someone can't accept a correction and move on via messaging, how do you think they'll respond in real life? What must their model of consent look like? Does that sound like a safe person to be around, let alone sleep with?

A few bad apples are not going to spoil my coaching journey. But they do make me worry for everyone else who might be put off by the rude messages or worse, feel beholden to some stranger on the internet.

Be liberal with that block and report button, everyone. Don't waste your time and energy. If they don't listen the first time, they're not going to listen the fiftieth. 

And try to remember to pack potions of necrotic resistance when you go up against a pack of undead.