Values Series 2: Peace

  Welcome to this 4-part (minimum) series where I delve into the definitions and practical applications of my values list! 

My four top values in no particular order are: justice, peace, empathy, and people. How did I come to those four words in particular? I worked with my own coach! How do I feel about those words? Complicated as all hell! 

One thing I've learned is that words don't actually have the meaning assigned by the dictionary - they have the weight of all of our lived experiences behind them. You probably won't define these words as values the same way I will, and that's fine! More than that, that's wonderful! We might share words, but not definitions, or have the exact same values but call them wildly different things. Isn't the human experience beautifully varied?

Now for the second value of our list: peace.

I define peace on a global and personal scale as: the spirit of nonviolence and avoidance of harm towards others and the self.

Peace was a hard value for me to come to terms with. Which, as an agnostic Quaker, feels counterintuitive.

Peace is calmness, stillness, a lack of conflict, the ultimate goal? Right?

I can't actually sanction that as a definition in collaboration with my other values.

On an individual level, when I seek to avoid harm to others and to myself, to respect the rights of all humans, I am behaving in accordance with the value of peace. This state might be highly active, and it may generate conflict, but that conflict is productive and not harmful to the participants. 

Peace is avoiding intentional harm, and justice is addressing harm, intentional or otherwise.

Why did I include the self in the definition though?

Kindness towards ourselves is the hardest thing to achieve, but it is necessary for us to give that same kindness to the outside world. Similarly, nonviolence towards ourselves is paramount for us to provide it to others.

We've all had those thoughts after a mistake, blunder, or impulse. Why did I do that, I'm so [insert insulting, judgmental term here], I'm bad, I'm not worthy, etc. These cyclical thoughts lead to feeling shame, and the sense that one is inherently lesser.

I categorize those thoughts as violent towards the self. They erode our ability to love, respect, and empathize with ourselves as a whole and deserving individual. My next post will actually explore empathy in more detail, it's not as mushy as it may initially sound.

If we separate ourselves from humanity, into a category of "less worthy," we have unintentionally created a category for other people to fall into if they meet the same criteria by which we judge ourselves. Separating people into these strata is how many justify violence. 

Peace within the self is achieved with the quieting of saboteurs and the acquisition of self-love. Once we are used to practicing peace within ourselves, giving peace to the outside world is as easy as breathing.

Peace will look different when practiced and felt by each person. One person's peace may be in homemaking and caring for their family, while another person's peace arrives with marches and protests. Some may find fulfilment in parenting children, while others reparent themselves. 

It's not my goal as a coach to dictate your peace. It's my job to discover it with you.

Tune in next time for a look at "empathy."

~Anneke